lots to be thankful for.

2012′s been a rough one for me. It has been full of ups and downs, job changes, relationship changes, life changes, and health problems. Looking back I don’t know how many more obstacles I could have hurdled this year…my legs are tired.

But I have wonderful parents. Parents who have taught me the meaning of hard work and are always there for me, no matter how badly I try to screw up my life. Mom and Dad, you are truly a gift to me, I don’t know what I would do without you. Sometimes it stinks living so far away, Mom, I wish I could give you a hug very single day. But at the same time, my heart is full knowing that makes you happy to see me following my dreams. Thanks for teaching me how to be a man.

I’m thankful for my sister Emily. Em, you and I haven’t always gotten along (what brother and sister do?) but these days our relationship is pretty damned good. I know I don’t call enough but I’m always thinking about you. I’m so proud of you for sticking with it and turning yourself into one hell of an artist and an incredible young woman.

Happy to have my health. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that stress can be a killer. Or…almost, in my case. Learning to open my eyes and appreciate the little things has been a humbling experience.

I have the greatest friends a guy could ask for. Some of you have changed my life. All of you are a part of my life. For that, I am thankful.

My dogs are happy and healthy and keep me on my toes every day. Going to work every day doesn’t feel like working.

I don’t have much money, and I could use a new pair of boots, but I am alive. That is the most important thing of all.

 

my heart breaks for you…

Autumn Leigh Pasquale (and Paco)
10/29/1999 – 10/20/2012

We didn’t spend a lot of time together, you and I.

But your mother and I are best buds. I still remember the day I found her on classmates.com – it had been years since we’d spoken, ever since she moved to New Jersey in high school. From the very first time she and I spoke after that long break, I could tell how proud she was of her children. Of all the things that she’s done, bringing you and AJ and Natalie into this world are the three proudest moments of her life. She loves the three of you and everyone else in her life like only a mother can.

She’s being strong now, Autumn. So strong that nobody can see the cracks. She’s being strong for you, because Mom doesn’t really know any other way to be. She’s the one who always takes care of everyone else, because that’s just who she is. And now, people are taking care of her. Because of you. Because of all of the hearts you touched in your incredibly-too-short life.

You tested Mom. Tested her patience, tested her resolve and will, tested her love. And you passed, each and every time.

You’d be proud to see how AJ acted like a man at your prayer vigil. How he stayed together, even with hundreds and hundreds of people expressing their sorrow to him. And Natalie – she looked so grown up, yet so vulnerable. Crying for you with all of her friends there to give support in her time of need. All of the people from Clayton and hundreds more from all over the area were there for you. The police officers, the searchers, everyone was there, to pray for you, Autumn. To grieve and share stories about you and how you had touched everyone in your own special way.

You’d be overwhelmed at how many people from your community came together to look for you when they knew you were missing. And blown away at how your story touched so many hearts and lives across this country. Thousands of people sharing your photo and information, asking for help to try to find you. My friends are grieving for you even though they’ve never met you. People all across the country, and the world, are thinking about you.

Your community came together for your Mom and Dad and the rest of your family. They were out searching by the hundreds in all of the areas you used to go. People who would drive by each other and give a wave suddenly were shoulder-to-shoulder as they looked for you or any sign of you. No sleep, no food, no rest – just Autumn, and where you were. I am sorry I could not be here to help look for you, but I am thankful for all of the people who could.

You and I have more in common than you might think, Autumn, despite the large difference in our ages.

There was a time when my BMX bike was everything to me – I spent hundreds of hours just practicing tricks, riding around with my friends, being a kid. And I had a bike stolen from me, not long after Mom and Dad gave me a great new set of wheels for it for my birthday. I knew who did it too, but I could never prove it because I didn’t see him do it. I know you put up a hell of a fight when those two scumbags tried to take what was yours.  Perhaps it’s Mom’s greatest achievement – teaching you to stand up for what is right and true. And you did so, admirably. So…I get it. I know why you tried to protect what was yours – because it was everything to you.

And you’re everything to us. So many of us are hurting right now, knowing that you are not here anymore to grace us with your smile and laughter.

But you will never, ever be forgotten. I promise you that.

My heart hurts for you today, tomorrow, and forever, sweet girl. Rest in peace, Autumn.

Information regarding Autumn’s memorial services can be found here.

Those who wish to make donations in Autumn’s memory can do so by mail or bringing donations to the following bank -

Autumn Pasquale Memorial Fund
C/O Fulton Bank of New Jersey
35 N Delsea Dr
Clayton, NJ 08312

THIS IS THE ONLY AUTHORIZED MEMORIAL FUND.

 

Southwick Zoo, Mendon, MA – October 2012

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tap tap tap…is this thing on?

Wow…so it’s been a really long time since I’ve written for pleasure. So much has changed in my life I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll just bring you all (all three of you who read this blog and probably know this anyway) up to speed. I now live alone in Seekonk, Massachusetts in a cozy little cottage with my two dogs, Hunter and Tracker.

I have been through a couple of jobs since I last posted, and currently (and for the foreseeable and long-term future) I am working as a freelance writer/photographer covering the automotive performance industry. Most of my work at this point is being submitted to the great guys at PowerAutomedia, mainly for their Dragzine and StangTV titles. I am also submitting some work for their CorvetteOnline, StreetLegalTV, and ChevyHardcore websites from time to time. You might think that would be enough, but I’m back in the fold over at ProMedia writing for their Race Pages and FSC print titles. I am also working on a couple of other projects at this point that are keeping me busy every moment that I choose to work on them. Not such a bad problem to have, right?

Well…there’s a backstory to this. In July I had a heart attack, which really scared the living shit out of me. I’m only 38 years old and although heart disease runs in the family, I (like most other men in this world) always felt invincible. Never had any indications that I know of that one might be imminent, but…it is what it is. That event left me sitting in the hospital for three-and-a-half days on a forced vacation, and then another ten days at home recuperating before I was able to go back to work. At that time I was working for a good friend at a local shop as his parts manager, and we were really doing great things to build up the business. And while I was really enjoying it, something felt like it was missing. Back when I started working there, we were so busy (10 hours a day six days a week) that I had to give up the last little bit of freelance writing that I had been doing due to a lack of time and energy to put forth what I felt was my best work.

So while I was sitting at home on my “vacation”, I had a lot of time to think about my life, where it was headed, what I was doing, and where I truly wanted to apply my talents. Despite the great thing I already had going at the shop, I really missed putting my thoughts on paper, and working with my camera. Oh..how I missed my Canon.  As I recuperated, my thoughts began to coalesce in a direction I hadn’t expected…I thought I wanted to go back to writing for a living. As my own living circumstances are different now, I figured  that there was no time like the present to take a chance and make that happen. Over the next couple of months I did a lot of soul-searching to be sure that this was the decision I wanted to make. I had conversations with some great friends, my parents, my sister, and all of them told me one thing – follow your heart.

I reached out to some of my former colleagues (the aforementioned PowerAutomedia and ProMedia folks) to see if my talents were still in demand. I was assured that they were, and I sat down to crunch the numbers and weigh the pluses and minuses and realized it was doable. My Capricorn tendencies had me examining all sides of the equation to make sure that this would be a truly viable future for me, and I was finally able to make a decision a month and a half later. Talked to Mom and Dad, they agreed to invest a bit of their hard-earned money in my venture, and off I went. I’ve been writing fulltime since September 10th and I am honestly amazed at how quickly I’ve been able to get back up and going again. I guess for me writing is like riding a bicycle, you never really forget how to do it. Sometimes you need to adjust the chain and tweak the brakes, maybe apply some WD-40 to the rusty spots, but after a couple of pushes you’re off and rolling.

I am off next weekend to Indianapolis to cover the NMCA World Finals for Dragzine and am really looking forward to getting back in the groove. The last race I covered was NMRA Columbus in September of 2011 and I’ve been jonesin’ to get some race cars in my viewfinder. I have some new camera gear and want to put it to the test, I will be off later today to take some practice shots with it and make sure I’m still on the mark.

On the homefront, I really miss Mom and Dad.  And my sister, Emily.  My parents were here right after my heart attack but it’s been almost a year since I’ve seen Em and I miss her a lot. I am glad to have my health back (I’m just on a bunch of meds, I didn’t even need any surgery) and I am attempting to work out for the first time in my life. I could really use a motivator on that end but I am giving it a shot. I feel better than I have in a long time (maybe the meds?) and I’ve been taking a lot of time to do for me. I’m eating healthy and learning how to cook again (with mediocre results) but I’m not starving, either. Turkey and roast beef sandwiches and salads are easy to prepare. It’s been a while since I’ve been single and it’s been refreshing to discover so many things that I used to enjoy doing and neglected for one reason or another.

The pups are driving me crazy as always but I wouldn’t give them up for anything. Hunter is getting a little bit older now (he’s almost 11) and it’s tough to watch him slowing down. He’s such a great dog, though. Smart as a whip and still making me realize on a daily basis that this is his house and I’m just here to make sure he’s fed.  Tracker just had his fifth “birthday” (me rescuing him from the shelter) and every minute of that five years he’s tested my ability as a dog owner, but he has also taught me the meaning of patience and understanding. He was a very hand-shy dog when I got him and now he loves on anyone that comes through the door. Every day while I am working he lays right beside my chair (or on my feet, great in the winter) to make sure I’m not going anywhere.

Life is pretty good these days. I’m still working on being a better me, but who isn’t?

Oh…and this is my first and only draft of this entry. It really is like riding a bike. I’ll be back…

A few photos from the NMRA/NMCA All Star Nationals

Enjoy…

How did it get to be April already?!?

I know, I know, last time I posted I said I would be blogging more often.  Looks like that hasn’t happened…yet.  As we are still feeling the last gasp of winter there hasn’t been much happening around here.  Winter here seems to last for half of the year – there really doesn’t seem to be much of a spring or fall season.  Thankfully today it’s about 60, even though it’s raining I can at least open up the windows and get some fresh air.  This weekend has a gorgeous forecast from what I can see, although it is only Monday.  We will have to wait and see.

Covered the first NMRA race of the season a few weeks ago, that was a lot of fun as always. Looking forward to the rest of the season – I think that first event is just scheduled too early in the year to draw a car count like I think it should. Lot of really fast True Street cars down there – I love to see that class grow.  Posted a slideshow at the bottom of this post from that weekend – enjoy! Next event is in Commerce, GA – April 14-17.

It was nice to see the Phillies open the season against the Astros.  Three games, three starters, three wins, one walk.  That’s right…one non-intentional walk all weekend.  They absolutely ripped the life out of the ‘Stros on Friday with a comeback win in the bottom of the ninth, and from there it was nice to see the display in small-ball the boys put on all weekend.  Singles, timely hitting, clutch pinch-hits, just great baseball.  I really wonder how many games they will win if they stay healthy.  I suspect Ben Francisco is going to turn into a better player than I thought he was.  Brad Lidge is an afterthought for me at this point, he’s been hurt more than healthy it seems.  And I’m not much of a fan of what appears to me as him hiding his injury and trying to play though it.  Also, I think Contreras is going to excel in the closer’s spot.   I’m gonna call it and say 107 wins this year and a WS berth.  Not sure if they win it all but I can’t see how they don’t with this pitching staff.  There just aren’t that many losses available out of a seven-game series.

The Flyboys are still hanging onto first place by the skin of their teeth, 3 points over the Pens.  They are so deep and talented but they have been giving up games they should be winning.  The goalie situation will make the playoffs interesting.

No Eagles news.  Still waiting to see if the NFL falls apart or not.

Going to try to do this more often, at least weekly.  Not that anyone is reading it anyway…

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It’s been a while…

It’s been forever since I’ve had a chance to post. Wintertime is not any less hectic for me than summertime is. So many things have been going on lately it’s impossible to talk about them all, so I’ll just throw a few comments out there, and say “I’ll be updating this more often now.” I spent most of November either in or traveling to and from Vegas. A great experience I’ll never forget, thanks to Ben Mens and Ben Jr. for dragging me along.

The Eagles are out. Too many mistakes, not enough time to pull out the win at the end of yesterday’s game. Oh well, I guess I didn’t really expect much more out of 2010 with the way they went into the season. Hell, if Kevin Kolb had managed to spend an entire season behind that porous offensive line, he could not possibly have done any better than Mike Vick did in 2010. So I guess they met my expectations – another playoff season. It will be interesting to see what the offseason brings with the labor issues currently permeating everything that the NFL does. I fully expect them to make a play for Vick, the question is, at the age of 30 does he have enough left in the tank for a four or five-year deal north of $100MM? I think it is possible, but only if they get him some better protection. Time will tell. And if not, then did Kolb get enough work this season to go into 2011 as the starter? I did like what I saw out of him in the limited action he was able to procure, but I’m not sure if he could do it behind that line either.

On the Phillies front, I only have this to say – what’s it going to be like when your fourth starter (!) has to face Cole Hamels? Then again, if Ryan Howard doesn’t spend the offseason learning how to recognize a breaking ball in the dirt and Jimmy Rollins doesn’t remember how to hit leadoff, it may all be for naught. Can’t win that many games on a 1-0 score. Utley has to stay healthy also.

The Flyers are in first place right now, Laviolette is doing an awesome job managing a great team full of productive young players. The Flyboys should be contenders for years to come with this lineup. Bobrovsky in net with Boucher as a mentor is huge, if he can overcome the language barrier ‘Bobs’ has a chance to be the greatest Flyer’s goalie ever. Yes, I do remember the name Bernie Parent. Bobs has impressed me that much.

Racing season starts on March 4th. It can’t come soon enough for me, the cold winters really wear me out these days.

And that’s that. Will post more when I have something fun to talk about.